Stop holding yourself hostage. Do what you want in your life. Don’t put these unreasonable expectations to do things you don’t want to do. Just focus on doing what you like to do no matter how little or how much, satisfy the thirsts you have and don’t subject yourself to your own internal prison. We already have so many expectations from society, family, and friends to live up to don’t add your own set of expectations to overcome.
The point of this life isn’t to spend your time living someone else’s vision of who you should be. Live your own vision of who you want to be. Start taking steps (baby steps) towards your master plan and be open to change and new things in your life. This is the key.
Don’t get caught up in the curse of inaction. The fear of not doing something “properly” or fear of failure stopping you from taking 1 step towards your dream. If you are paralyzed by inaction you have kissed your hopes and dreams away. You are interested in what you are interested in and you don’t have to justify that. It doesn’t have to lead to a job. You don’t have to make a million dollars off of it. Your interest is an interest, and that is all don’t read into it. Start pursuing more things you are interested in, paying no attention to what that means for your future or how that will lead to a high paying job etc.
20 years from now you are going to be much happier knowing you pursued a life out of interest rather than a life of supposed to’s, expectations, and accountability. It isn’t irresponsible, you are putting your foot down and saying you are living for yourself and that is it.