The Last Breath

There is a point where we will all take our final breath before we pass from this physical reality. As I sit here today writing this, I’m trying to imagine what will I think about in my final moment of existence. Unlike other mental explorations, I can guarantee that this will will come into fruition with certainty for all of us at some point. Here are my thoughts:

As I reflect back on my 28 years of existence, it all feels like a dream that happened in a split second to this moment right here right now. I know that in this last breath my entire life will feel similarly, just a dream. I imagine that this moment will feel like the moment I wake up in the morning from a dream – thinking why did I take it so seriously, there is nothing to fear…it was only a dream.

My number one regret will be living life due to fear as opposed to blazing my own trail in the world and trusting my heart. The fear of what people think, the fear of embarrassment, the fear of failure, the fear of being broke, the fear of being lonely, the fear of people not liking me, the fear of disappointing others, the fear of hurting people will all be chains I used to keep me tied to the expected path, the path I will regret in my last breath.

I will regret not letting myself feel good, for I will realize it was always my decision to feel good and happy, despite life circumstances. In this moment, I’ll see life like an amazing ride and relish the ups and be so grateful for the downs, and realize that it was never meant to be controlled, it was always meant to be treated like an amazing journey & adventure. I’ll laugh at all my futile attempts to tame the wild beast called life, which always resulted in despair and anguish.

Although, there may be some regrets, I know there will be a ton that I won’t regret. In that moment I’ll be so grateful for the times that I did act in alignment with my values, despite what the world said. I’ll cherish all the connections I made and lives I have affected. I’ll remember some of the meaningful hugs and the times I felt incredible love for another.

The moments burned into my brain right now: the stories of people exploited in the world, the people I’ve seen and met sleeping on the streets, those rejected into the frills of society I think will still be on my mind in this moment. I hope I do more to help these people than I have done in the first 28 years of life.

This reflection on the last breath is a reminder to live. To let whatever weight I hold drop to the ground, for it isn’t worth it. In this moment I realize that no matter what I obtain, the relationships I make, the dreams I achieve, whatever successes I have, despite who I love, what I do, none of it matters in this terminal moment.

All that does matter is experience – experiencing the full range of living from the depression to the ecstasy. For in that last moment, I want to be able to say that I truly lived, never held myself back, and blazed my own beautiful trail in the universe.

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